The Art of Gaining Weight (February 20, 2008)

Having read about Jasmine's blog about gaining weight, I want to fly to Alabang where she works, carrying with me a few mutilation techniques from the flick Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Jasmine is a beautiful, skinny lady (lady talaga) who has this strange ability to transform an ukay dress into a bit of a couture. She needs to be aware she already has a sure ticket going to Paris by just simply flaunting her legs right before Karl Lagerfeld's very eyes if given a rare chance. Having said that, I don't really understand why she's working overtime to gain weight, while Im driving myself insane to lose adipose tissues. Now you know why I'm plotting her murder with extreme prejudice. Her guts is killing me so I have to push myself to the limits as well.

This is Semikal Junkie.

For the past three months I haven't been able to do any form of exrecise. It all began when my work schedule changed from 9pm to 6am to 12:30am to 9:30am. On my previous work schedule I could still workout before work, while on my current shift, by the time I get out of bed, the gym is already closed. I am considering working out after shift but the stress is too much to endure. Believe me, after numerous encounters with customers filing disputes about their mortgage, all I want to do is take a nice shower, hit the sack, and dream about either McSteamy of McDreamy or both, if you know what I mean.


In December, I was eating like a hog. Imagine feasting on honey-cured ham, fruit salad with massive load of cheese and all-purpose cream, chicken menudo, crispy pata, unlimited supply of rice, Red Ribbon sweets, and Coke all at the same time, who the hell in the world can resist that? And oh after meals, a few bottles of beer won't hurt. That is if a few for you mean half a dozen. By January, I was able to take a couple of weeks off my work. Since I have nothing to do, I formed this nasty, ugly habit of sleeping after lunch and by the time I wake, it's already 5PM, an hour shy from dinner. Then after dinner, I'll just sit down in front of the computer or drink with old-time pals. And by February, fitting into my clothes slowly became a daily agony not to mention palpitating everytime I check myself in front of the mirror. Call me Godzilla!

This is Ms. Varca. 

I think this is a wake up call. I don't want to produce weird animal sounds during meals or die of bangungot if there is really a truth in the old saying. Vicky Belo said that men would have difficulties removing beer belly upon reaching 25. I believe her so coming March, I'll get back to the gym, run ala Lydia de Vega in the treadmill, surpass my heart rate, and lift weight weights as if there is no tomorrow. Not only will I exercise but also I'll cut down my rice consumption, drink water instead of alcohol, and stay away from McDonalds!


Today is February 20, 2008, nine days before March. I can still be guilty of gluttony for more than a week. Later I'll have pork sinigang or chicken adobo, three cups of steamed rice, a pack of meringue, and two glasses of Sprite. You can call me Godzilla until 11:59pm of February 29. But after this date, call me names and I'll make you swallow your own tongue and forever keep your silence.


And for Jasmine, this is also in preparation for our grand showdown! You tell me when and where and I'll surely show up in my armor suit, fully loaded, ready to shoot. No pun intended.  


*I'm still healthy. Not chubby. A few toning will do. :-)
**I miss Jasmine. She's still not gaining weight.